Arggh!!

Here it is the fourth Sunday in Advent, and I am still at Thanksgiving as far as preparations physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I hate the relentless pace I set, yet it seems there is little I can control as far as slowing down.   I put in long hours at school, and then work what amounts to a second part-time job in my husband's business.  I try to get to our Wellness Center at least twice a week for some serious cardio exercise.  Those are the have-to's.  In between, I try to put decent evening meals on the table, occasionally do some laundry and basic table/counter clearing, and get to bed at an early enough hour that I can get 6.5 hours of sleep.  I wish I could find time for more sleep, but 6.5 hrs is all I can eek out.

I hate that the weekend before Christmas I had to spend 4 hours doing the business bookkeeping, rush to finish the shopping  and wrapping for gifts that have to be mailed, and then rush to get to the bank and post office before noon to get everything mailed and deposited.  I had to find time to do several loads of laundry, grade several sets of papers, and run a number of errands.  We FINALLY got a tree yesterday, and we got it put up.  It's not decorated--it's a beautiful ceiling scraping balsam fir, perfectly shaped, very fresh -- and it's bare naked.  I don't think it will get decorated, although I hope to get a string of lights on it tonight . . .maybe.
I wasn't able to get to church this morning, although I made it to our council meeting.  Then we went to a gathering to honor a young couple who were married earlier this year in CA but are home for the holidays.  So now it's Sunday night, and it's back to work, and I still don't have a decorated tree, or cookies, or cards done, and I'm just not ready for it to be Christmas.  I'm not ready in my heart either - I need time to sit and be still and be silent . . . .and there has just not been the space for me to do that.

I'm not sure where I was going with this -- I got interrupted by a phone call and then a minor crisis which is resolved.  I was going to delete it all, and then decided to let it go out into the ether.