Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Vacation Week #2

I spent most of the week since we've been home from LA trying to get my days organized. I'm hoping to have a yard sale later this month, so I've started working in various rooms to get that organized. We had carpeting put in last winter, and in the process dislodged much junk that has just been piled in corners. Now that school is out, I'm trying to go through the stuff and either toss, put away or earmark for the yard sale. On top of that my husband is moving his office out of the house and has piles of boxes in at least 2 rooms. I feel like we're perpetually moving!

I've done some more knitting on the Lace Ribbon Scarf mentioned previously. It's now about 25 inches long. I need to start another project, but I can't decide which of the many I have queued on Ravelry to do --- Seville Jacket? Nantucket jacket? Vintage Vest? Or should I do some more socks? Or what about all the yarn I bought to knit another Modern Classic? I can't decide so I just knit on the scarf!

I had 2 really vivid, weird dreams last night. I was with a group of teachers and we were in some sort of school or retreat center. It was very late at night, and we were in a lounge. We were holding a worship service of a sort, and a colleague with whom I'm presently at odds with, held up a clump of eggplants (like a cluster of tomatoes) and suggested we all go around the group and use the eggplants to inspire a prayer or share an image it brought to mind. She asked me to start and I began to share. As I started to say what came to mind, she interrupted me and said, "No, it shows togetherness and community." I started again, and again she interrupted me. Finally I got out "Yes, the eggplants together show unity, but what it suggests to me is that I am not part of that group. I am separated from the group and am other." The 2nd dream also involved school, teachers and students. We were hiking along a deserty mountain trail and the bell rang for the end of recess. I was following a group of students back. The shortest way back was down a very steep cliff above a shoreline with lots of rocks and a rough sea. The longer way was less steep, but we couldn't see how it would get us to where we were going. Most of the kids took the steep path but I followed the group that took the longer, more gentle slope. As we went down, there were side paths but all of the routes were really difficult. One student (someone who I'd never had as a student, but had worked with him in an afterschool activity) decided to take one of the short paths. He got to the water's edge, and decided to jump in and swim the rest of the way. When he jumped in, he hit his head and slid to the bottom of a tide pool. From where I was up high, I could see him lying under the water, unconscious. I couldn't get to him, so I started shouting for help. Across the way, another teacher heard me and she started scrambling down rocks to help. That's where the dream ended!!!

I know that I have a few issues that I'm trying to figure out. I do feel like "odd man out" all the time at school, and I am trying to decide what do to about that. I don't feel like I have any options. I also am "at sea" about church at the moment. I haven't been going to services lately. I burned out in leadership roles, and have not been able to warm up to our interim pastor. I'm not interested in going to a different church; I love the people, the denomination, the way my church lives out its understanding of Jesus' Way. I just can't seem to go sit through a service. So I'm praying about that, and trying to decide what to do there too. I guess in some ways I feel "odd man out" there too, because most folks seem to love the way things are right now. Any ideas out there??


Songbird said...

A word from an interim pastor:
it's a perfect time to take a break! Look at it as a sabbatical. Consider visiting some other churches, where you can worship without "doing." Attend when you feel like it at your own church. Every interim pastor knows (or should) that some leaders will step back during a transition, and that's okay. It's not personal. (Or at least we don't take it that way!)
I love the lace ribbon pattern, I'll have to try it!

Panhandle Jane said...

I identify with both your situations. I feel like the odd man out at school as well. Actually, there are about three of us that seem to go against the flow most of the time. Perhaps it's just that I'm older than many of the others.

I've also been having the same situation at church for awhile. I changed denominations a few years ago because the local church here had some problems and I didn't want to go out of town. I love my church now, but I have personal obligations that are keeping me from becoming really involved on the weekends. I need to work something out for myself, but I don't quite know what.

I've been out of school for over a month, and the dreams just stopped a week or so ago. . . .