Saturday, January 5, 2008
I went to a meeting at church Thursday night - actually it was 2 meetings, back to back. I'm the co-coordinator of a ministry team, and have been for a long time. At both meetings I publicly announced that it was time for me to step down from this leadership role. I agreed to stay on for a couple of months more, until a new leader could be found. This is a HUGE step for me. One of the blessings (yes, really!) of having been stopped in my tracks with pneumonia is that I finally admitted to myself what I'd been denying so long -- I'm at the burnout point. Matters came to a head a few days before Christmas when I was asked to provide the names of the folks who would be participating in the lay-led Christmas Eve service. I had a major meltdown. I had been "out of commission" since 11/28, had not gone to the Dec. 6th meeting where the service was discussed, and had assumed that it was all taken care of. And of course, folks at the meeting assumed that by the time the service details needed to be etched out I would have been back in the swing of things. It was one of those times that was nobody's fault, and it was everybody's fault - we all made false assumptions, and with the hecticness of life and the fact that we're all overburdened, nobody had double checked. I am deeply grateful for my co-coordinator! When I called her, crying, she took right over and fixed everything. But it was a good lesson for me, and I realized that I needed not to be in charge anymore. I need to stop and be nourished and nurtured for a change. I needed to be the receiver, and not the doer. I've been feeling pretty empty spiritually and I realized that it's because I never stop and just be. So, while I don't make resolutions, I am making changes. I am going to BE for a while, so that so that I can take the time I need to listen to the Spirit, to be filled up and refreshed from the Well.